Dear Kelly,

My husband has been driving for quite a number of years and he was driving when I met him. When we met, he told me that he was driving to save money to buy a house and settle down when the right woman came along.

We live in a suite in my parent’s home. Now, granted we don’t pay rent as my parents will not accept it because they see that we are really saving for a house, but we do pay bills and try to do as much of the house maintenance as we can to make up for the lack of rent.

Well, we’ve been married over five years now! I have commented on this a couple of times and he just says, the longer I drive, the more money we can put away. He doesn’t see the need for me to move out from under my parents “wings.”

Yes, it is a wonderful situation in every other aspect, but I am a grown woman, who married this man on the assumption that he meant what he said about settling down with the “right woman.” If he said he wouldn’t give up trucking in the beginning, then I would know where he stood back then, but I have been waiting for the words “Let’s get our own place” for five years now.

We both want children, but when we discussed it before the marriage, we both agreed to wait until we had our own house. So, this is affecting so much about where we said we would be after five years of marriage.

Please tell me that you have some ideas about how I help him see that I need to be moving on in our lives, and not still living with my parents at 30-something.

Want to move out

Dear Want to move out,

I think it is about time that you sit down and have a serious discussion with him about this. Dropping a couple comments just isn’t going to work. If he’s on the road all the time, he doesn’t see how it is for you to be living with your parents as an adult.

I would suggest that you don’t put short-term demands on him. It has gone five years already and I wouldn’t expect him to just jump off the road at the drop of a hat. Ask him to commit to a short time frame. Spend the winter watching the housing market and perhaps make a date for spring time to start finding your new home.

If he comes off the road, he will need another job. Offer to help watch the papers and offer some alternatives for employment for him. Since he has been on the road this long, it would probably be safe to say that he probably enjoys driving a lot. See if you can find companies that have local runs, or even regional where he would always be close to home.

It doesn’t sound like he is demanding to stay on the road, his purpose seems noble. I think he just needs to hear it seriously that you are ready to move out and move on with your lives together.

Kelly

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Dear Kelly,

Winter’s coming up here and my boyfriend is a driver. I am very new to this and the snow-covered roads have me in a panic and the flakes haven’t even begun to fall here yet. Please help me ease my mind from worry!

Worried about snow

Dear Worried about snow,

Winter driving, for the most part, is very safe. Except after a large snowfall or in a storm, the highways are usually quite clear. Drivers need to take caution during winter weather and learn to not take chances.

To keep the family and friends at home from worrying, the drivers can call home more often to let us know they are managing okay. If he does carry a cell phone, try not to call him and let him call you instead. Drivers need to concentrate on driving, not on answering the phone.

To help yourself while you are at home, try to keep busy with things. Work, hobbies, friends and family are great diversions for sitting at home and worrying. If you just sit and worry at home, you will only stress yourself out. He is out there concentrating on driving that tractor and trailer so that he can be safe.

Try not to say things like hurry home or let him feel like he needs to get home fast. The more he can keep his mind on the road, the better it will be.

I know it’s easy to say, but try not to worry. Just be there to give him a big hug when he gets home!

Kelly

– I welcome your questions and comments. I will try to answer as many questions as I can here. Feel free to send me an email at column@atruckerswife.com or snail mail at: Dear Kelly, PO Box 183 Stn. F, Winnipeg, MB, R2L 1M0.