Dear Kelly,

I haven’t explained this to him yet, and I am not sure how to go about it.

I have driven with him in the past and it was fun for about two days.

After the first couple of days, we immediately got into the roles that we play at home.

He would do all the checks and hitching, and the ‘guy’ stuff, while I ended up preparing meals, doing paperwork and heading for the laundromat.

I wanted so bad to share in all the work and not be treated like a helper.

I came off the road a few months ago to help my daughter out when she had her first baby, and in the meantime he has found another team driver that he gets along with really well.

I guess my dilemma is twofold really.

I don’t want to break up the team that he is in now, they work so well together and I don’t really want to go back and team with him and end up doing the same things as before.

Any ideas on how to handle this one?

Wanna get my hands dirty!

Dear Wanna get my hands dirty,

I think that you need to sit down with your husband and explain it to him.

If you choose to go on the road with another driver, let him know that it may be only temporary.

You want to get out there and get hands-on experience with the complete trucking job, which honestly isn’t an easy thing to do in a marriage/team driving relationship.

His need to look after you by doing the “guy” things may change if you talk to him about it, but it isn’t always an easy thing for the men folk to just put aside.

Although his intention is quite sweet and admirable, it’s not what you want to do right now.

Let him know that you are so happy that he has found a partner that he works well with and that you don’t want to disrupt that now.

Once you have some running time away from him, you both can re-evaluate the situation and things may change.

Perhaps once he sees that you are able to do all these things, he may step back and let you show him how it’s done!

Let him know that you just want to get some experience; then when you both go out together again as a team; it will make it so much easier on him to be able to share the entire workload.

Use the word partner a lot and be prepared for it when he lets you do the gunky stuff!

Have fun and good luck!

Kelly

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Dear Kelly,

My boyfriend started driving only a month ago.

He is usually home for a day every four days, and it looks as if that is how he is going to be running with his partner for awhile.

I am having such a hard time not being able to do things with him when he is home.

I thought this would be easier, we worked opposite shifts since we met two years ago, so it isn’t so different in the respect that we don’t see much of each other.

My issue is now, the day that he is home I cannot plan to do anything because he just wants to shower, relax, laundry needs doing, a couple of healthier meals fill his belly, a good sleep and the next thing I know, poof he’s out the door again!

When are we ever going to go to a movie, go for a long walk or even visit friends?

HELP!

Need a social life

Dear Need a social life,

If he’s just into his first month, he is probably really exhausted, his mind is going all the time with all the things he needs to learn and remember. Sleeping in a truck can take a while to get used to as well.

However, we don’t want him to get into a ‘lazy when home rut,’ it isn’t healthy!

The next time he is home, plan something special, but not something that has to be planned for a certain time.

Make dinner romantic and turn the TV off! Have a bubble bath, go for that long walk or go to bed early together.

Suggest that the next time he is home; you may want to invite a friend or two over for dinner and have a fun time.

Let him know that you miss your social life together and you also miss doing things with him.

Trucking is a huge lifestyle change for the trucker, and the one left at home, and it takes some communication to figure out what is going to work for you both!

Kelly

– I welcome your questions and comments. I will try to answer as many questions as I can here. Feel free to send me an email at column@atruckerswife.com or snail mail at: Dear Kelly, PO Box 183 Stn. F, Winnipeg, MB, R2L 1M0.