Dear Kelly,

My husband went to school to become a truck driver, something he’s wanted for a long time and he has finally succeeded and done very well.

I am very proud of him for this accomplishment, but in some ways I don’t like it because it causes me to be very independent. I sometimes tell him I don’t need him and I can do things all on my own which of course I do not mean anyways.

New to this independence

Dear New to this independence,

It’s not an easy thing to balance the independence required of us with the dependence that we may feel or need.

Do the things you need to do to look after what has to be done, but turn to him when it is something that you feel he can help you with. A wise woman once told me that she felt like a married single woman. That is such a true analogy in our situation. Depending on how long your husband is out on the road, you may need to look after certain things that normally he would do. Communicate with him outside of heated discussions as that is when those “I don’t need you” comments tend to come out. Be as open and honest as you can about how you feel.

Don’t be afraid to let him know that he is still needed. I know that in the beginning I felt that I had to look after everything and not bother him with it at all since he wasn’t here to do anything about it anyway. Over time I have learned to do what needs to be done when I can do it and leave the other things for him when he gets home.

No one answer is right for everyone, but if you can discuss the new roles in your relationship, and understand where responsibilities may fall, you may find a new pride in your independence and a new respect for a relationship that can work even with a complete change in lifestyle.

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

He departs Sunday and arrives home Friday afternoons. We don’t live together and are 40 minutes away from each other and our relationship tends to go haywire once the weekends arrive. He is still young and has started his own business in this industry for which I’m very proud of him because it is very time consuming, stressful and overwhelming; especially since he wants to succeed and build a future. He wears himself thin over the weekends by trying to accomplish all that he has to before he heads out.

My situation is that on occasion I feel as if I get pushed to the back burner because he has to squeeze so much in on those weekends and that spending time with me takes away from other things he can be doing. I sometimes get the impression that he doesn’t miss me or that I’m not important.

I personally don’t think he knows how to handle this situation and I don’t want to bother him continuously. I do empathize with how hard he has to work, but how do I get him to view my side of this situation with a little more understanding and compassion so this doesn’t continually affect us?

I want us both to meet one another in the middle so we can both build our future together.

Can we meet one another in the middle?

Dear Can we meet one another in the middle?

Maybe you could invite him to a special dinner one weekend when he is home. Plan it ahead with him so that he can set that time aside to be away from his truck.

Plan something where the two of you are alone and there are no other distractions.

Completely, one on one time.

You can be focused on each other and maybe the seriousness of the situation and your feelings will be more evident to him. I hope that you are able to find a middle ground so that you both feel needed and missed.

Kelly

– I encourage you to send in your questions and comments. I will try to answer as many questions as I can here. Feel free to write me at column@atruckerswife.com.