Publisher’s Comment: Twelve simple steps to staying forever young
April 1, 2005
Some people call it mid-life crisis. I prefer to call it mid-life analysis. It's that time when you sit back, look in the mirror, and wonder what the hell happened to the first 40-odd years of your li...
Some people call it mid-life crisis. I prefer to call it mid-life analysis. It’s that time when you sit back, look in the mirror, and wonder what the hell happened to the first 40-odd years of your life.
For me, aging never really bothered me. Until now.
I’ve come up with a sure-fire method of staying young at heart. It’s not for everybody but it seems to work well in my world.
Step 1: Never bring up the topic of age. If anybody asks, you’re in your 30s. How do I justify the difference? Deny, deny, deny.
Step 2: If someone comments on your beer belly, wear larger shirts.
Step 3: If someone comments on your double chin, wear turtlenecks.
Step 4: Grey hair? No problem with Grecian. No, I DO NOT COLOUR MY HAIR (and I personally don’t) is the standard answer. Be stern and assertive. They won’t ask again.
Step 5: Shoes. Make a point of watching what the younger generation is wearing and go out and buy the same (avoid pink tones).
Step 6: Gray beard and/or mustache. This one’s close to my heart.
I had a mustache for 27 years until a year ago when the Gray thing started to happen.
It had to go. Don’t be shy, some people think I look YEARS younger (mind you, they all work for me.)
Step 7: Avoid holding your arms as far away from you as possible when reading a menu.
It’s common knowledge that your sight starts to deteriorate in your 40s.
Step 8: Instead of going to the pub after work and being in bed by 9:30 or 10 p.m., go crazy and arrive at the pub later on during the evening (this is especially good when trying to impress waitresses with your youthfulness and energy.)
Step 9: Don’t talk about the “good old days” because these are the “good old days.”
Step 10: Don’t wear your 1976 high school football jacket, even if it still fits.
Step 11: Follow the new bands, download MP3s and always wear a headset around your neck. Even if nothing’s attached to it.
Step 12: If the first 11 steps don’t work, give up and admit your age.
You’re either a terrible liar or even worse, really really old.
So there you have it. My not-so-secret-anymore fountain of youth. Good luck, you’ll need it.
– Rob Wilkins is the publisher of Truck News and he can be reached at 416-510-5123.