Dear Editor:

Hello readers. It’s me “THE WIFE.” Just couldn’t let the opportunity pass, when I read in last months issue, that it would be interesting to read up on my life.

Here are a few pointers for starters. “The wife” cannot be taken into Western Star for a tune up like “the truck,” even if she has more miles on her than a ’57 Chevy. Nor can you maintain her like “the dog,” thinking a kiss on head and a pat on back will get you undying devotion. Due to necessity, she’s moved to a more complicated parts and service schedule.

“The wife,” over the years, has evolved unto a breed of her own. Following the rules of nature she has developed traits to ensure the survival of the species.

These would include selective hearing, broad shoulders, a forgiving and forgetful mind and the ability to refrain from playing the game of one-upmanship in “ain’t it awful,” when her trucker husband calls home after a hard day on the road.

“The wife” has also moved to an undisputed realm of self-sufficiency, contrary to trucker husband’s belief that she isn’t able to change the toilet paper without his supervision, when he’s home.

You fellows who farm on the side may need to give special attention to “the wife’s” maintenance. She may forget to mention how the jackal came loose and rearranged her chops while trying to get a heifer’s head out of a metal gate.

Whether this is to save you undue stress on the road or save herself from a 30-minute lecture on the right way to have done it, remains to be seen. This model of “the wife” is most prone to parts failure.

I have to give you truckers credit as you all seen to recognize the consistent flaw in “the wife’s” cognitive skills program, no matter what year or make you have.

This is primarily related to home and yard upkeep and the inability to do tasks required without manual updating.

“The wife” can never understand why this always has to be done by long distance.

After 39 years of being “the wife” I still find myself evolving and on occasion my thought process gets stuck on strangulation.

This usually happens in conjunction with my trucker husband’s extended home stay. When this happens, I simply call on the guardian angel of all drivers’ wives. That would be “the Master Programmer.”

Anonymous trucker’s wife

Via e-mail